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2011-01-08T23:39:00.002-07:00

A Collection of my Posts Concerning the Shooting of 19 People Including a 9 Year Old, a Congresswoman, and a Federal Judge.

2011-01-08T23:21:00.000-07:00

Today, at a Safeway on Oracle and Ina, in Tucson, Arizona, a madman opened fire on a crowd of people, injuring thirteen people, including Democratic Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, and killing six others, including a Federal Judge, John Roll, and a nine year old girl.

This is obviously a horrendous occurrence: nobody should ever have to deal with the death of their child because some idiot from a junior college is misinformed about the state of the union and the way the world works feel that he has to prove some point and the only way he can do it is through violence.

At the same time, we need to make sure the blame is placed in the right place, and that means on the shoulders of the assailant (I refuse to spread his name and infamy), not the gun he used. This all relates to the post I made (a now-long time back) about all of these threats and gun-toting Conservatives at rallies scaring the American people: I like guns, I like them a lot. They're interesting, they're fun, they're just neat. But shooting people is not the answer to our political differences, you do not solve problems like that. Conversely, you do not solve problems by blaming the wrong things.

Anyway, without further ado, my Facebook comments on the issue:

"No, no. I'm with you on this, Jeff. Gun control puts guns in the hands of the criminals because they're not afraid to break laws to acquire them illegally.

Guns don't have the mind to pull their own triggers or the mind to murder someone. You're hurting the citizen and empowering the criminals by restricting guns, because you're showing these insane people that they can do whatever they want in a world where only they have a gun, where the law-abiding citizen can't legally carry a gun as a deterrent or as protection from these madmen.

Besides that, it's a right. It's in the constitution. If we let them restrict or take away the second amendment, they can take away other amendments.

This is a terrible, reprehensible, disgusting, horrifying thing that has happened, and I hope that the idiot who did it dies slowly of some horrifically painful debilitating illness... but let's put the blame on the right thing here, and it's not the inanimate tool the person used to commit the crime. It's the person himself, and the fault lies solely with him."

"Gun control would not have prevented this. Anyone who wants to shoot someone bad enough is going to shoot them."

"Strangely enough, criminals tend to get guns criminally. Gun control hurts the citizens, not the criminals."

"And if he couldn't have done it legally, he'd have done it illegally. All I'm saying is that if someone wants to kill someone, they'll find a way... it's awful and horrible, but no amount of control of any kind will stop or slow these incidents."

"Well, I mean you could theoretically restrict people from leaving their houses or talking to other people... but then it's not really a free country.

There's unfortunately a lot of risk we have to shoulder living in a country as free as ours. We have to understand that we could be shot, or hit by a car, or our kids might see pornography, or be swayed by radical propaganda. These are some of the risks of living in a more-or-less free society, and for the most part, people act like adults and don't use their freedoms to screw other people; and it's generally not (entirely) because of laws, because those are really easily broken, it's mostly because, generally, people aren't dicks to other people.

However, every now and then, we get a guy like this who doesn't mind killing kids or unarmed people because he's a misinformed, disaffected idiot and thinks that he's going to change everything by killing one congresswoman... but the problem is with him, not with the gun he used, or the company that made it. If that was the case, then I shouldn't be able to walk into the library and take out Mein Kampf or The Communist Manifesto for free because reading the ideas of one of the most horrible men ever or a misinformed idealistic idiot could sway me to start picking off Jews.

I may have over-generalized a bit, to be honest, but certainly making guns illegal won't solve anything. People who want to kill people will kill people, whether they use a legal gun, an illegal gun, a kitchen knife, a Molotov cocktail, a pair of pruning shears, or their bare hands. And that's something we can never end. But the plain fact is that these insane, violent people are the vast minority.

The Constitution was written to provide the people of America with basic, inalienable rights; I feel like they understood when writing it that maybe a few people would use their second amendment rights to shoot someone, or use their first amendment rights to write a book about how America sucks, but they also understood that those people would be in the clear minority. They knew what they were doing, and allowing or even asking the government to infringe on or revoke these rights flies in the face of everything they fought for America to be. The more rights we sign away, the less free we are. The founding fathers understood the risks and the benefits and they treated us like responsible adults, and for the most part, that is how we act, and that is why this country is great."

Dear Republican Party:

2010-05-06T02:50:00.000-06:00

I don't know what your game is, but you need to get your shit together, guys.

I'm not a Republican. In fact, I'm a very Liberal Independent. But I don't hate Republicans. We might disagree on a lot of things, but we do have common ground. And you can't honestly have just one point of view. Liberals are here to tell Conservatives when they're being stupid, and Conservatives are here to tell Liberals when they're being stupid. It's symbiotic. It helps keep the system lubricated and running well.

Big corporations don't work as well without competition. It keeps them (more) honest and innovative and more apt to help humanity.

The problem now is that the Republican party is really going off the deep end here. Not just in becoming super-conservative. But they're just losing it. Half the things they say now are just... ridiculous. You guys have to distance yourself from the extremism and the corporations and the religion and all the other insanity and get back to your constituency and your party values. And you need to hop to, because I don't trust the Liberal Democrats being allowed to run free without you fine folks across the aisle keeping them in check.

The idea is that having parties at both extremes will keep the see-saw of America balanced, but the problem is that the Republican party is leaning so far right that the see-saw is leaning to the Liberal side pretty heavily. Like I said with the guns, you're shooting yourself in the foot here. You're leaning so far that you'll be in danger of losing your base. Your party is getting to the point where it's just laughable. In a sad way.

So please. Shape up and give the Democrats some actual competition, please. And don't make your constituency the insane, bible-thumping, "minutemen" racists, or the bull-headed, WASPy, snobbish, "don't-touch-me-I-might-catch-something" rich kids. Please. There are plenty of reasonable Conservative Republicans out there, represent them.

Hey. All you Second Amendment Right-Wing gun nuts:

2010-05-06T02:00:00.000-06:00

Stop it.

I'm a pretty liberal guy. But you know what? I also like guns. I like them a lot. And I understand that you like them, too. And that's cool with me. Except you're all fucking morons who are far too concerned with the government taking them away from you.

Sure, you should fight for your rights if they're in jeopardy; if someone's trying to take your freedom of speech, then you should fight to keep it. But, for the most part, people don't try to take your rights. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that the real threat to our guns is people like you,

And you,

You people are fucking morons. I hope to God you realize this.

Let me lay it on the line, just in case you're more idiotic than I thought:

You do realize that what you're accomplishing by wandering around with your assault rifles and drop-leg holsters and signs that infer revolution or assassination is scaring people. Yes. You are scaring the American people.

You know when you hear about guns in the media? When people get shot. Columbine. Virginia Tech. Gang violence. Wars. Unfortunately, people connect guns with bad things. And guns are used for bad things, no doubt.

Where you lose me, however, is where you can't get it through your thick-but-empty heads that people people aren't informed on gun safety, or how to handle them, or know anything about them, and so they're afraid of them. Most people didn't grow up around guns like we did. But you can't seem to understand that they're afraid of them.

And so you wander around parading them and swinging them around in public like idiots. A gun is a responsibility, and I've rarely seen such irresponsibility with such power. The only reason you're brandishing your weapon in such a way is not "so you can defend yourself" in case of an attack. No. You're doing it so people ask you about them, and you have to give your little soapbox Second Amendment speech. You realize that the first target in an attack are the people who are visibly armed, right? You'll either die first or they'll take it from you.

If you want to defend yourself and others, then stop being children who have to show off their toys and get a concealed weapons permit, carry your gun in a non-obvious location and, for the love of God, shut up about them. Carrying a gun just because you can is not the reason to carry a gun.

If you haven't seen the problem from what I've said so far, then let me put it in plain English:

Instead of being nonchalant and keeping cool about your guns, you just have to show them off while you're implying anti-governmental violence. You know what that does? That makes people think that only crazy people have or want or like guns and then people want to make harsher, more strict laws against them.

You are defeating yourselves with your own stupidity. Because you have to be irresponsible with your guns, you're scaring people into taking your guns instead of raising awareness and helping people learn about and understand them. Because you have to connect guns with your stupid political ideals, you're endangering them more than if the most liberal person in the world were elected. The only time there's talk about making firearms illegal is when some idiot like you pulls some irresponsible bullshit like this.

I am a liberal gun-lover, and I will be extremely angry if you force the American people to take my guns away from me.

Assholes.

Attn. Inc. Posts.

2010-05-05T23:35:00.000-06:00

I've had a few ideas kicking around in my head besides the little rant on Faisal. So bare with me as I write 'em up. Enjoy.

Dear Faisal Shahzad, et al.

2010-05-05T23:23:00.001-06:00

This is just a quick comment to any of you people who thinks it's cool to come to America, enjoy our country, our houses, our restaurants, our parks, and especially our educational system (such as it is), and then decide to blow the place up?

Yeah. Fuck yourself. Go back to your shithole country and fuck yourself.

I love everyone. Natives, blacks, Mexicans, Asians, Middle Easterners, Europeans, everyone. You guys are part of what makes America great. But all of you idiots of any race or creed who just want to come over here, reap the fruits of hundreds of years of American work, and then repay us by blowing up a bunch of our people? People who may have been your neighbours? People who might have helped you through your education by being your professor, or your lab partner, or in your study group? These people who accepted you even though you're from another place and just wanted to help you achieve your goals? These are the infidels that you want to pay? Where the hell do you get off?

You left your worthless, backwater, opportunity-less country to come here, get an education and have some opportunities. And then you go back and make nuclear devices? Or learn to make bombs? And then you want to blow us up? For giving you the opportunities and ability? Just stay in your crappy country and wait to die, please.

Dear James Cameron: Eat A Dick.

2010-02-08T01:31:00.001-07:00

I think you suckered a lot of people out of their hard-earned money.

Sure, your latest film, Avatar, looked neat, but there wasn't a story. Your flaming turd excuse for a movie was a glorification of the decline of cinema and the rise of visual turd polish. If movies were sandwiches, yours was a shitty one: there wasn't any meat, there wasn't any cheese, no lettuce, no chipotle mustard, no mayo, no bell pepper, no cucumber, no fresh-ground pepper, it was just two scant slices of Wonderbread. Sure it's tasty, but it doesn't really fill you up or anything, it just kind of leaves a hollow feeling. And it's a damned shame, because you could have put so much between those slices.

I cringe like a struck dog when a movie is advertised for its ground-breaking special effects, because it almost positively screams, "Hey look, we're compensating for our lack of story!" and Avatar, to me, was the height of this bullshit. It had the same tired story, the same tired concepts, the same tired characters, and the same tired premises as Pocahontas and Fern Gully and the end of Return of the Jedi and the end of The Phantom Menace and Dances With Wolves, and the list goes on and on and on, just with some new visuals. If I wanted visuals, I'd go watch one of those goddamn helicopter flyovers of America in IMAX.
But don't sell me a "movie" or a "cinematic experience" that's just one of those flyovers, because half of a movie is the plot; and if your movie is going to be marketed on the visuals, then don't bother to make up some halfassed, tacked-on, bullshit plot, and just give me a helicopter flyover of whatever your planet is, don't insult my intelligence with a story for elementary schoolers; I respect that there are only so many stories to tell, and originality is almost impossible, but at least put effort into retelling one in a new way.
And if you absolutely must make a movie that has amazing visuals that will blow your mind and change the industry forever, you should be working twice as hard to make a story that isn't so thin you can see through it like glass. Peter Jackson did this with Lord of the Rings; granted there was a story there already, but he was able to have the amazing visuals and maintain the integrity of the J.R.R. Tolkien's masterpieces; in fact, I'd say Mr. Tolkien out-storied himself and Jackson made it more accessible without losing the effect, now that is an accomplishment, Mr. Cameron. 300 was the same way. Star Wars was like this, too; literally ground-breaking visuals and a totally new way to tell an old story; they wrote the book on how to do special effects that's still being referred to almost forty years later, and it had a story that was deep, had multiple complex characters, felt original (even though it was just a masterfully done retelling) and spoke to children and adults alike. Even the Star Wars prequel trilogy had a cohesive plot that was original and interesting, and that's the only thing, despite the poor execution of such, that saved it from being a disaster like Avatar should have been.

[Side Note: If anyone reading this gives the Star Wars prequel trilogy crap for having a terrible story, and loves Avatar, they should just put a bullet in their head. Right now. Go on, I'll wait.

Back? Good. I didn't think you could have somehow hit your tiny pea brain. Put a bandage on and sit back down.]

Avatar is not better than Star Wars, Sir. Avatar isn't even a "good" film. Avatar is a very pretty "film". But a pretty film, no matter how stunningly gorgeous it may be, does not, in any way, equal a good film. Conversely, neither does a film that has the best story ever told, but that's shot on the front lawn by three year-olds who can't act, direct, film or write. We saw this in the prequel trilogy of Star Wars. A good film is a mixture of the two elements. Your Avatar is like Obsidian Entertainment's Knights of the Old Republic II, it was a pretty game, and there were hints of places where it could have been awesome, but there was just too much cut out of it and left unfinished that it really just sucked. It could have been great. Could have, but wasn't.

I'm sure you remember the abject failure that was Transformers and Transformers II, Mr. Cameron.
They were both very pretty movies, nobody will argue that; but they weren't pretty in the right way, and the story was complete and utter tripe. The only reason Avatar is hailed and Transformers is bashed is because Avatar was prettier and didn't step on the toes of anyone's childhood. Imagine Bay's Transformers without a Transformers cartoon in your childhood for Bay to ruin, imagine the novelty of someone making a movie where giant robots that turn into cars fight each other and that nobody had ever done that before, and you have Avatar. Imagine that Avatar was based on a cartoon from your childhood and you, Sir, had taken all kinds of liberties with it. Bam. I'll let you recover from that blown mind for a sec before I continue.

My point here is that the line between these two gratuitously visual and story-lacking movies is so thin it almost doesn't exist. Something as simple as you changing the Na'vi to the Smurfs could have ruined you, and something as simple as Bay making the Transformers just random robots could have saved him.

...Okay, maybe not. But you get the point.

The fact that people are so depressed about "having to leave Pandora behind" when leaving the cinemas is precisely because of this lack of story and context. I liken it to when you go out to a secluded spot in the woods by a stream where you can sit and listen to the stream, and the wind in the trees and not have to worry about anything. That's why those IMAX helicopter flyover things are so popular, because you get to see the beauty of the world without the bad parts. You go somewhere pretty and quiet (like a vacation) to forget about all of the little stories and plots in your life, and at the end, you don't want to leave. You get depressed. That's what's happening with Avatar. You go in and don't have to worry about a plot and can just focus on the pretty stuff and enjoy. Then you're sad when it's over.

And you think that you've done a good job. And in a way, you have, because people were too stupid to realize they let you, a man who can clearly write a pretty damn good movie (not Titanic, that sucked, too, I'm talking Aliens and some of your other stuff) swindle them out of their money for what was really only half a movie.

The fact that your mockery of movie-making is riding so high off of the idiocy of the people is saddening to me. That people will pay over and over just to watch what was basically a helicopter flyover of an admittedly gorgeous, digitally-rendered planet is fine, I'm all for that; but that people have stopped caring so much about the storytelling that they're completely ignoring whatever dismal, "Sci-Fi Original"-quality plot you decided to slip in to make it an "actual movie" to see what people would let you could get away with, and just ooh-ing and ahh-ing at the pretty colours is the sad part. The fact that people can say Avatar is better than Star Wars (and I don't want to make this out to be a fanboy tossing on Avatar because they said mean things about his obsession: where Star Wars has a story and a plot and real characters, Avatar has naught) is the sad part. The fact that millions of people have been schemed out of billions of dollars and got a polished turd, akin to a Shelby Cobra's body on a Yugo's chassis, or a forged painting, or, as Red Letter Media put it, snake oil, is the sad part.
The fact that we're unflinchingly, unfalteringly celebrating the demise of storytelling in cinema is the sad part. Showing directors that they can get away with murder as long as their movies are pretty enough is the sad part. Avatar can rot, in my opinion. And Mr. Cameron, you have a lot of making-up to do.

And with an Avatar sequel in the works, good luck.

P.S. Don't get me started on your 3D gimmick, either. For shame, Sir.

Hey folks!

2009-03-27T00:47:00.002-06:00

Just a quick message for you all today. Maybe. We'll see how long I drag it out.

So I was wandering the net: when I sit down at my computer, I have a favourites bar in Firefox, and what I do is cycle through those first, before I take to the jungles of the internet.

I made it to my email section and flipped open my Gmail account in time to see I had a new comment on my blog. Awesome! I love comments! Lets get down to it:

This is the most biased load of shit I've ever seen.

This was in response to my post about those stupid indie hipster fucks that nobody likes.

First off, Mr. Anonymous, I compliment you on your grammar and punctuation. Very nice, very rare.

Secondly, congratulations on busting me on my biased reporting. What did you expect when you read an opinion? No bias? I'm not a newscaster or a journalist, I'm an average Joe. Okay, that's a lie, I'm so much more Godlike than your average man-on-the-street.

Thirdly, load of shit? That blog was gold spun by the fingers of angels. Those hot Victoria's Secret ones. Yes.
But then I suppose you'd know all about shit, having done more German porn in your life than I've slept with those afore mentioned angels. I'm batting a thousand on that, by the way.

Fourthly, and this is besides all the silliness above, if you don't like it, don't read it. I don't care. I have thousands of readers. My hit counter is spinning like the rims on Fitty Cent's Escalade. Losing your negative input costs me nothing; which brings me to my other point? Why even post your inane complaints? Do you think I care? I hope not, because it's not good to lie to yourself. I lose no sleep when you post this tripe. I don't stay up all night tossing and turning, trying to decipher what you mean, I don't read your one-line, non-argument post and suddenly decide to change my life or my views of crappy music. Maybe if you provided a competent argument. Good luck with that.

Anyway. thanks for giving me something to write, nonetheless. Felt good to flex that muscle. Now shoo, your novelty has passed. Write me back sometime, I'll never run out of mud to fling.

This one goes out to all the ladies...

2009-03-24T16:20:00.002-06:00

I would like to take a moment to address all of my female readers out there, so please put down your Tiger Beat magazine, hair curlers, and other womanly items and lend me your eyes.

Stop.

Just. Stop.

Ess Tee, Oh Pee.

Most, if not all, women go through a phase in their lives where they are obsessed with that "Bad-boy" type. We all know these guys. The Vin Diesel type from "The Fast And The Furious", those guys who come with the promise of some danger.

Unfortunately, most women don't realise that these "dudes" also often times come with physical and emotional abusive tendencies, emotional detachment, general uncaring attitudes, some form of sociopathy, anger issues and a wealth of other emotional instabilities and problems.

This is where the conundrum begins: You women keep going back to these idiots. These people who leave you battered and broken (literally or figuratively), yet more in love with them then ever, and you get up, brush yourself off and hitch right back onto his wagon. These horrible people have to crawl through an avalanche of vagina just to get out of the door, because you dumb broads will not stop having sex with them, no matter what. How idiotic is that? How stupid are you people? Really? He tosses you on the curb and then you wake up in his bed the next morning? Seriously?

These are terrible, horrible people. They don't deserve the time it would take to beat them bloody, much less the avalanche of vagina you stupid chicks pile on them every day of their lives.

And then there's the other half of this conundrum: Most of these women know a nice guy. This is the guy they hang out with and say, "Oh, he's the most dependable guy!" or "He's so sweet and kind!" or "He's so great to me!" or "He's such a great friend!" or "He takes such good care of me!" or "He's always there for me when I need a friend!" or "He's so amazing!" or "He's like my rock!", I could go on forever; but this guy will never see the day that you have sex with him; this is the guy who you should be all over! He's great, look at him! Sure, maybe he doesn't ride a Harley or have tattoos and piercings all over him, maybe he doesn't live on the edge, but at least he doesn't treat you like shit. At least he isn't just interested in nailing you a couple times, then tossing you off like so much trash, at least he values you, at least he's there for you when you need him (rather than when he needs a booty call), at least he's a good guy.
But God forbid you repay that kindness with a little bodily contact, no, you'd rather heap vagina on the guy who abuses you (subtly or not) and leaves you out to dry. What are you repaying him for? Do you think he'll love you if you come crawling back every time and open your legs? Are you high?!

I speak on a one-issue thing here, but it works with relationships, too. I can't say how many relationships I've seen some dumb broad sabotage with a perfectly nice guy, just so she can go back and get tossed around by some emotionally detached douchbag who has a tattoo, some stubble and a leather jacket, who I would describe as a "rambling man" who's just too cool for school.

I speak from some past experience here, though I've changed a lot and can say I only see this happen to other people now. It's just sad how it works, and it implants a lot of bad ideals into people.

Just stop burying assholes in vagina, and throw the nice guy a bone now and then, for me, ladies? Please. These guys deserve it for sticking by you through thick and thin.

The Music You Like Sucks

2009-02-08T11:00:00.003-07:00

Hello, future servants and minions; I come to you today on behalf of myself, as usual, to say that your music sucks, and nobody cares about it.

I'm going to be gentle and friendly for a moment, but only just a moment, don't be worried; I love music of all kinds, right now my new phone is jam packed with what has to be the most eclectic mixture of music in the world. Not only that, but I'm always open to trying new things, I went to a concert last night that I was pretty sure I'd not like too much (John McEuen, one of the founding members of the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, which is a band I've known for a while before, but never really paid any attention to. Most of you kids won't know or like him), but by the end of two one-hour sets, a bunch of genuinely funny jokes and stories, I was tapping my foot and singing along. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it was one of the better shows I've been to.

But! And this is where it gets ugly; it is my experience that most of you people listen to absolute tripe. Be it the blondest pop hits, the whiniest emo "rock", or the "hardest" gangsta rap, even you "indie" people: your music sucks whale dick.

And even that's fine with me, if you want to listen to these Top 40 idiots pump out manufactured shit, so be it, but you don't stop there, oh no, you have to get the hoodies and the t-shirts and the hats and whatever else. You have to let the world know you listen to horrible music.

And it doesn't even stop there! Oh no! You have to recommend your brand of shit to everyone else! As if everyone in the world wasn't already having the latest My Chemical Romance song shoved so far down our throats that it's actually being shoved up our asses.

Then there's the "hey, you've gotta hear this new song!" part of the whole deal. This is already a bad sign for me - even though I'm usually up for a new experience - for a few reasons, one being you're overexcited and hyperventilating, I love music, but not that much; please calm yourself. Another is you saying that I just have to hear it; no, I don't. The last reason is; do I seem like the kind of person that likes your music? No.
Next is the procedure, which I've come to call "The Four 'F's":
Step One: (mentioned above) Freak out about how revolutionary this new song is (revolutionary like the rest of the songs on the Top 40).
Step Two: Fumble around your iPod/Laptop/Phone trying to find said song, while assuring me that it's awesome. At this point I'm beginning to get bored, and your freaking out is only making it take longer to find the song.
Step Three: Find the song and begin to play it. This is where one or a few of many things can happen: It'll start out good, then be ruined by poor vocals, it'll start out poorly and get worse, whatever it's playing on will die, the sound quality will be poor, you will start singing along to it. At this point, I'll usually be at least trying to pretend that I'm even half interested in the song anymore.
Step Four: Fail to impress me. The song sucked the moment you brought it up, and hearing it has failed to change my mind. Tits or gtfo please.

Basically, unless you are me, or I really like you, I don't care about your music. Once in awhile you'll give me a good song, but for the most part, don't even bother.

It's not necessarily a bad thing, either. Just because you think POD is the best thing since music was invented, that's great. I just hate them is all. Doesn't mean we can't get along, unless you're one of those anal assholes (alliteration ftw!) who bases their friends on conformity and only what you like, instead of diversity (Fun Fact: The Spaish Hapsbergs became deformed and died out because of constant inbreeding and lack of diversity!), in which case, please start a fire and die in it. We need fewer exclusionary groups filled with retards in this world.

So please, feel free to suggest your music to me. Maybe I'll find something good, maybe it will all suck. Usually it all sucks. But sometimes you get lucky.

Thus Begins a new Segment: Tyr's Mailbag!

2008-12-04T00:56:00.006-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I have just recently received my very first hate mail.

This is a very monumental day for me, and as you can imagine, I plan on picking this little gem apart like a flock of vultures with a wildebeest carcass.

Only decidedly more rotten and rank.

And so, without further ado: The original comment in its pure, unmolested form:

You my friend are the douchebag! fuck you judging people on how they dress! I wear a hat all the time because I am going bald and I cannot style my hair! I mean wanna talk about stereotypes look at sabu atack she looks like some pale fire crotch goth whore but I am not judging her? so fuck you and your gay ass article I would love to see your stupid hipster ass so I could talk shit about you and your art fag glasses and whatever other shit you are into better yet I would love to see you in the street so I could smash your head with a brick you fucking homo and if i ever meet you I will fuck you up no shit ps newsboy hats are gay just like you so fuck you little scenester and I hope you choke on a dick

My first thought upon reading this was giddiness, and by the time I finished, I was laughing like a hyena at the dentist's office.

First off, if you're bald and wear a hat, go ahead. Personally, if I was going bald, I'd shave the rest off and be proud of it, but I can understand why people aren't. That's fine. Just don't wear one of those stupid flat-brimmed abominations.

Secondly, poor Tacks! Here she is, an innocent bystander, and she gets pegged wrong not once, but twice! I've never seen her in any Goth-type clothing, nor is her hair even red; she's just your average pot-loving brunette.
And lets face it, the only reason our anonymous friend here said anything about her was because he saw her picture and wanked off to it, crying and wishing he was prettier so he could get even an ugly girl. No offense to Tacks, if I was even a remotely-attractive female, I'd never put my face on the internet. There are some horrible people out there. And perhaps you were trying to be ironic, but by saying what you did, you judged her. Oops.

I don't wear glasses, I don't need them.

I hate most people who consider themselves "artists".

I don't know what a "scenester" is, though I would imagine it's someone who tries to fit in with whatever is popular? If so, that's not me at all.

That's the main point's debunked.

Personally, I have a really hard time believing that this mindless, blathering neanderthal could ever string enough coherent words together to make a comment on anything, let alone figure out how a computer works to the point that he could even find my own incessant rantings (I'll admit that if the internet was cable, I'd be on deep, deep cable). I'm sure most of his "talking shit" about me would be highly reminiscent of Bobcat Goldthwait having an epileptic seizure in a cactus farm.

In any case, it's amused me, so it was worth at least that. But for now, I have another big post to write so I'm going to leave the poor guy alone.

Oh, and if it was someone I know... well-played!

Yes, it's been awhile.

2008-11-23T14:32:00.001-07:00

I've been very busy over the past few months or so with business that is far more important to me than updating my blog, which most of you should feel lucky having access to in the first place.

In any case, I have a few good blogs planned out for the next few weeks, so stay tuned, or risk being lame.

Attn. Voters: Shut the hell up.

2008-10-25T02:21:00.003-06:00

Hello all voting age people! I would like to take a short moment to extend the following message to you!

Shut the fuck up, put your head down and vote.

"But Sam! That's what I'm doing already!" you cry like a stuck pig!

No! No it isn't. You are voting, yes, but at the same time, you are not shutting the hell up about how your candidate is so much greater than the other one, or how the other one lied about being in a war or having experience or Joe the Fucking Plumber, who I am sick and tired of as I was sick and tired of swiftboat veterans last time.

My quarrel is not with the candidates, they seem like good people, or whatever amounts to good in the world of politics; my quarrel is with the voters.
I want all of you to shut up about your choice and just bloody vote. No yard signs, no bumper stickers, no forum posts, no anything; you won't change anybody on the other side's mind, because you have no skill at arguing, you'll basically only end up reinforcing their opinions. Nobody cares what you think.

So, for the sake of your public image and everyone else in general; take your Left or Right Wing-cocksucking and ram it up your ass, bow your head in shame, then walk into your booth on November forth and do your duty; that's where it counts anyway.
Leave the campaigning to the campaigns and vote for the Right or Left Wing when the day comes, or vote early; until such time, shut the fuck up and leave us all alone, I'm so tired of hearing the voters blowing McCain and Obama everywhere I turn.

Call me unpatriotic and unmotivated all you want, but I'll just tell you to jog off you pathetic lot of activist-pricks. Actipricks. I voted already, so you can take your Obama/McCain votemongering elsewhere, preferably up your arse; and even if I hadn't yet voted, you can still blow it out said arse, because I don't want to hear you far Left/far Right Wing crackpot wankoffs wanking on about how your candidate is akin to our saviour Jesus returning to earth like, to quote a fellow ranter, a greasy sex-offender returning to your room at night. You're not changing my mind, and you're not changing anybody elses; and if they say they are, then most likely they're sick of your babbling on like a dying howler monkey, have shut their brains down and are agreeing with you, waiting in vain for you to stop wanking yourself and your candidate so they can escape back into the blissfulness of rearranging their sock drawer.

On the same note, stop bashing the other candidate. Just stop. I don't care if McCain or Obama molested ten billion hermaphrodite children in Cambodia on a drunken binge on spring break in '04 (wait, that was me...), can he lead a country? Good, get him in.
On a similar note, and to reiterate something I've said before: YOU ARE CHANGING NO ONE'S MIND!
Chances are, you can go on and on about how bad they are and how their ideas are piddly, limp excuses for rational thought; and the other side will invariably dismiss them as hokey bullshit and not pay any attention to them, like a Tyrannosaurus ignores a goat because it doesn't want to be fed, it wants to hunt.

All in all, I'm not a fan of people... okay, let me rephrase... I think people who try to "educate by force" innocent bystanders can fuck right off. These are the wankers who come flying at you like the Nazi Blitzkrieg with a Prius or Hummer plastered with campaign stickers and other inane political propaganda, trying to reel off a list of the good parts of their candidates policies and the bad parts of the other candidates policies around a mouthful of their candidates dangly bits.
These people are dicks. You can feel it in the way they talk, move, breathe, eat, anything.

If you've ever walked up to a stranger, or, in fact, anyone you know, and out of the blue you start to "educate" them on how great your candidate is, then congratulations, you are a massive wanker who should be thrown out of an airlock.

In closing; everybody shut up and vote. Do not talk about your candidate. Ever. Do not show your support of them overtly. Do not try to "educate" people of their supposed "greatness". Just put your head down until the forth, and then vote. Nobody cares what you think.

Thank you, and however you vote, vote righteous.

ATTN: Michael Cera, get a new agent.

2008-09-07T17:01:00.005-06:00

Today, I have felt like writing, which means it's you're lucky day, because I have about two backed-up posts waiting to be finished, and one entirely new one I thought up just last night. So just sit back, set your eyes to read, and enjoy. Else I will come to your home and force you to in a bout of Clockwork Orange-esque torture.

So. Without further ado, I present my first old/new blog.

We all know, and most of us loved Michael Cera from his time on Arrested Development, a much uncredited Fox show that they ruthlessly slaughtered due to poor advertising to make room for such gems as... I don't know, one of the fifty-thousand other shows that have had a first season if they're lucky.

Mr. Cera played the awkward, dopey son on that show; and he was fantastic at it. Sound familiar? That's would be because that's what he's played in every bloody movie since. You name it. Superbad, Juno, that other one. He's being typecast like André the Giant or Sean Bean, only not in a good way (an arguable fact with André), but in an "I only have the capacity to play chubby, stupid kids in coming-of-age-films" way. Branch out for God's sake, boy.

This leads me into my rant about the horrible indie movie genera, which I mentioned briefly in my post about indie music. All of these movies have been bad. Juno was retarded, full of uninformed, downright stupid decisions that only absolutely retarded people could ever make (or people under extreme emotional duress, but that wasn't at all conveyed to me, which is the director's failing); Superbad is one of those movies that I sit down about once a week and try my damnedest to decipher in my head, what was it about? Who were these people? Were they gay? What was the message? Why do I care? The only one I can answer is the last one, I care because it's like when you have a loose tooth, you can't stop fucking with it. Poking it with your tongue, wiggling it, even if it hurts you to do so.

His newest venture into the scene is "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist", and I know nothing about it, I've never seen it, but allow me to take a crack at the plot: Dorky, lame, awkward boy meets girl he thinks he'll never get, pines over her until a chance meeting - probably involving shitty indie music - prompts them to fall into awkward, teenage love.

Okay, I just read the plot, and it was even more retarded than what I thought. Kudos to whatever crappy writer wrote that piece of filth, I hope that he's proud of himself for unleashing this garbage on unwitting, simple humanity.

All I'm saying is that Mr. Cera needs to save the awkward-kid stuff for Arrested Development and branch out in the meantime. I'm sure he could be a passable actor if he tried really hard.

Dear Tim Burton...

2008-07-30T18:58:00.002-06:00

Stop.

Just... stop.

I had the misfortune of seeing his latest crapfest, Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, a few months ago, but I hadn't written anything about it until now because, frankly, that part of the brain that blocks out traumatic events like your uncle diddling you when you were five kicked into gear and I forgot about it, until I saw something about it the other day and slowly, my memories began to return; and even then, I had to undertake intense psychiatric therapy in order to come to grips with what I had seen, move past it, and gain strength enough to write about it. All in the form of an '80s-style rock montage set to Paul Engemann's "Push It To The Limit", because that's how I roll.

I digress.

I sat there with several friends and we watched the film. Don't get me wrong, the singing was fair and creative, but oh how the plot did fail. From what little I could glean from the nearly impossible-to-follow flow of plot that burst into song every three-point-five seconds, I had publicly and accurately guessed the plot, which resulted in a thankful fast-forwarding through what looked like a dull, repetitive queue of "sing, kill, cook, sing, kill, cook, sing, sing , cook, kill(look, they switched it up! It's like a whole new film now!)", there might have been a tad bit of plot development and character growth in there somewhere. Maybe it took place during all the killing, cooking, and singing; I couldn't be bothered to watch. I'm not a huge fan of musicals in general, but I can tell a good one when I see one, and I did not see one there. Any sort of drama or tension or, frankly, any sort of attention-holding device was immediately destroyed by the silly, slapstick, tongue-in-cheek song that they would inevitably launch into the moment such a feeling would usually have set in.

Aside from the shallow plot and poor delivery of said plot, there was that disgusting Tim Burton style that, understandably, populates almost every one of his films like a terminal disease, and this time he decided to treat us to a lovely Victorian setting, again, understandable, but he set it in front of a carnival mirror and turned it from credible to pandering. Most of the film is a brilliant, eye-pleasing pallet of vomiticious monochromacity, save the odd colour here and there, and of course, the candied-apple-red blood that ran like a waterfall from thankfully every character introduced (except the two who I forget, and the hero of the film, the little boy), the fact that he could touch his blade to all manner of things, but the second it touched a neck, hoo boy, it was like the media depiction of a katana, right through with no effort.

And when I say pandering, I mean it. This film is right in the wheelhouse of the retarded kids I pass in the Hot Topic with the piercings and tattoos and chains and all-black with the hair down over one eye and the tonnes of make-up. The ones who write poetry and mope about relationships on Myspace and threaten to kill themselves, only succeeding accidentally, thus making the rest of their emo friends else shit themselves feeling bad about it. Yes, the emo crowd that I spend so much time loving in my writings. If this isn't a film custom made for these drooling simpletons, then Disney's 101 Dalmatians wasn't made for little kids. This is exactly the kind of film that these morons would equate with good, simply because it has emo-hero Johnny Depp in it, and uses that lovely, run-down, broken, tattered, Victorian Gothic style these subhumans equate with orgasmically amazing. Conversely, these are the people who can't sit through a real film for more than five minutes before walking out, claiming that it was "too long", and "wasn't cool". It's okay, though, they're only uncultured. It's really a lot like asking a five year-old his favourite food, of course it'll be pepperoni and cheese on medium crust from Pizza Hut with a Mountain Dew or Sunny Delight, because they haven't matured enough to like pheasant-under-glass and a glass of Bordeaux. At the same time, though, you'll find an adult who still goes for the Pizza Hut and Sunny D, at which point you have to consider them mentally retarded. The same is true for movies of this type.

And, sadly, as I was looking up Burton and his shoddy films up on IMDb, I notice he's got remakes of Alice in Wonderland and rumours of The Wizard of Oz lined up. Fantastic. I expect to see a lot darker, more gothy, more pandering versions of these films (that these people seem to flock to for some unknown to me reason) that I will hear endless praise for from every idiot wannabe goth and emo that populate the world around me.

Just what we all need.

Hello, I'm back. Also, I Don't Like Your Music!

2008-07-23T15:49:00.004-06:00

Hey folks. I know it's been awhile, but life has been busy and I just didn't have time for you. Oh, I saw other people during that time, too. But get over it. You're nothing special. And neither were they, really.

Anyway, all that matters really is that I'm back now. Back with words for you. That's right, I don't like your music.

This time, the target of my extreme disdain is the so-called "Indie" craze that seems to have snuck up and, in some cases, melded with (truly frightening) or at least exists alongside the deplorable emo fad that would like to ruin the world.

Yes, Indie music. I'm talking chubby (or painfully skinny), neckbearded (if they have the testosterone to even grow facial hair [painted-on does not count]), nerdy (or at least, frighteningly enough, wannabe nerdy), unattractive, greasy-haired, androgynous, unkempt, garage-rocker-wannabes with a poorly executed love of "retro" things and absolutely no talent. And this time, I really mean no talent. The trademark of this kind of tripe music seems to be glorifying talentless hacks, especially the singers.

This is "Indie": messy- skinny guys in clothes that don't fit, or fit too well. They wear what could be considered "nice" clothing, but usually a dingy, unkempt version of it.

We've all heard at least one of these awful songs in our lives, especially in this day and age where they like to slip them into commercials and, most especially, shitty movies; Juno, Napoleon Dynamite, and Superbad jump immediately to mind in this category. All three subpar crapfests, all three filled to bursting with this wretched, oh-God-kill-me-now-what-hath-I-wrought music.
Actually, as I think about it more, pretty much any number of these recent films about unattractive, dorky kids getting into boring mischief and "coming-of-age" are probably going to contain this brand of music - stay away from them.

I mean, unless you like being fed a spoonful of shit with your unfunny "I-identify-with-this!" movies.

Another problem is is that this infection seems to be seeping into popular, mainstream music, with shitty songs like "Hey There Delilah", and others to corrupt the... oh who am I kidding, anyone who listens to a station that would play that song is hopeless already.

Another few signs that you're about to be trapped in the hellish warbling of an Indie song are these:

The band name is something long and painful, "Death Cab For Cutie", for instance.
You've never heard of the band, or the song.
You're standing in a Starbucks, or any number of other "hip joints".
As mentioned before, the singing is so bad, you wonder why exactly American Idol has rejects, if these grotesque mockeries of music can make a record.

You see this guy and his retarded guitar-thing and button fetish, with a not-so-witty shirt under a tiny, tiny jacket.

Another few things I'd like to clear up are these:

It's not Indie if it's "mainstream". This can go one of two ways, first off, you'll have the "True Indie" fan, who liked these bands "before they sold out" and is now boycotting them because they have (as if their number one objective wasn't to get a record deal and make a lot of money. Also, newsflash, buddy, but the bands that haven't yet "sold out", wish they didn't suck so damn much so they could "sell out", by the way, unless they stamp their records out of their garage or mother's basement, the label is probably owned by one of the huge companies anyway). And the obvious fact that Indie cannot, by definition, be mainstream.
Attention Advertisers: Stop playing this music. Not everyone likes it.
Somehow, this music got lumped in with modern things and architecture, as well as energy conservation. Just because they're both things that aren't hugely popular does not mean they're the same thing.

In closing, please leave '60s and '70s fashion designs dead where they belonged even back then, and stop making, listening to, playing, and proliferating this music. The quality of music in general is already low enough, let's not make it non-existent.

Ben Stein. You, Sir, are a fool.

2008-04-23T17:33:00.004-06:00

Fairly recently (I say fairly because I've not been writing as much as I'd like here due to the time constraints of school, social life, being ill, and, perhaps most obviously, being too awesome for my readers) a film by Mr. Ben Stein has begun to make a buzz around the world.

His film is entitled "Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed" and is about Intelligent Design and its struggle to be heard as a viable alternative to science in the classroom. Now, the positive thing about this film is that I do and always will feel that one should always keep an open mind and always be on the lookout for better and more concrete ideas than what you currently have. Never be tied down to one idea and be so stubborn as to ignore more rational ones.

Unfortunately, my problems with Mr. Stein's film emerge directly off the bat. Firstly, the fact that he isn't really putting forth new evidence or proof that Intelligent Design (henceforth known as "ID") is a viable, plausible, possible scientific theory, so much as he is saying "Boy, science sure is silly and hypocritical: therefore ID must be plausible". I wouldn't have as much of a problem with his film if he had merely brought some new evidence to light and said "Look, science, we have proof, too! In your face!", but he doesn't: his main objective throughout the film seems to be to prove ID by ridiculing science in a severely uninformed and ridiculous fashion.

Not to mention the dubious way he got his interviews from some very prestigious scientists.

Originally filmed with the consent of the scientists depicted as a documentary called "Crossroads" about the intersection of science and religion. Subsequently, the film's title and production company all changed without the knowledge of those they interviewed. The evolutionary biologists depicted in the movie have since objected to the inter-cutting of their interviews with footage of Hitler and Nazi stormtroopers. In response, the producers have labeled these scientists "hypocrites"

To me, that just seems like a childish way to do things, which is partially why I'm so cross about this. Ben Stein had himself a fairly good platform for showing that ID is a credible, plausible theory, and instead he chose to use it as a platform for making fun of the other kids. Why'd he do this? In my view, the answer is plain enough: There is no proof, and no way to prove it. There is no evidence that some higher power created everything. ID is just a modernised version of Creationism for the new age, so people can continue to ignore rational thoughts and ideas. Maybe Mr. Stein started out trying to find proof, and, failing that, defaulted to schoolyard shenanigans in the hopes of accidentally proving himself right; as it's hard to believe that that was his intention all along... but then, I've never known a Creationist/IDer to be rational. It truly does go back to William of Occam, who felt that rational thought and faith went together about as much as motor oil and a tall glass of milk.

Anyhow. I've done a lot of reporting on my thoughts on this film and ID, and I'm sure the gist of them has been conveyed through this post, so I'll leave you to these final links:

Six Things Ben Stein Doesn't Want You to Know

Why Do People Laugh at Creationists? (part 22 of a series)

I don't like your music: New segment!

2008-03-26T17:00:00.014-06:00

Hello, future servants; I come to you today on behalf of myself, you and the world at large. That message is "stop listening to shitty music, you idiots".

Yes, that's right, I said shitty. The "artists" (if you want to insult real artists) that you like are actually just a collection of talentless hacks in the same vain as Milli Vanilli. In fact, I'd go so far as to say most of you wouldn't even know a good band if they came up and beat you about the head and neck with guitars.

Let me get a little more specific, though; I'm going to give one example of a band or genre that sucks per blog, because on some of them, I could go for a long time. As it is now, I could be talking about all music in general, and while it may still seem that way to most of you after I finish this list, believe me, I love music.

First up is a band that I really... just... hate. To no end.
My Chemical Romance.

First of, just in case you haven't seen a googolplex worth of pictures of them, lets take a look at the band:

No, they're entirely serious. No, I'm not kidding. They do actually have a fanbase.

Now that we know they look like a bunch of monochromatic morons who take themselves far too seriously, lets break for a moment so we can all ponder what in the name of sweet Raptor Jesus people are doing spending real, hard-earned (by their parents) money going to see these obviously retarded hacks ply their uninspired trade.
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Okay? Still confused? Yeah, so am I. And if you've heard one of their whining, sobby, mopey songs about death and despair and the world being too much and blah blah blah; you're bound to be even more confused. Unfortunately they sell really well to the angsty, disaffected (and also enormously stupid) teenagers of the world, who, despite being unique, dynamic, solitary individuals, seem to love unremarkable, generic garbage for music. Irony. If you're over the age of 14 and a male, and still listen to this band, you seriously need to reevaluate your life, because it's going to hell fast.

"Please stop leaving our show! We're bound to gain some talent eventually!"

(By the way, I honestly tried to listen to some of their music so I could actually put a semi-professional critique about it here, but I simply could not do it. I got halfway into "Black Parade" and I just had to stop and listen to about two hours of real music to purge the memories of my poor, raped ear drums of this Godforsaken excuse for a song. I can't imagine what listening to any of their other works would have been like.)

Lets talk about their crooner, Gerard Way, for a moment, shall we? First off, he can't sing, if he were on American Idol, Simon would forgo words and actually physically beat him to death on the stage for dry anally raping the music industry. For one, his dress is awful. Tiny, monochromatic suits with some red is not cool, it's retarded. So are those monochromatic (for a change!) band uniforms; get over yourselves, douchebags. You're not fooling anyone.
Then there's the person itself. Apparently it decided that switching from a semi-normal (albiet retarded) to a unisex haircut, and I... well... you know what? I have no words. I will let the picture below speak for me.

I was pretty sure this was a man for a long time.

Yeah... well... you just... keep on truckin' there, buddy...

All in all, I can't think of a single thing this band is good for, other than wasting my oxygen and influencing the mind-numbingly idiotic droves of teenaged girls (apparently the androgynous ladyboy look is in and very attractive, it's a damn shame I look like a man) and boys. Unfortunately, they're not influencing them to do anything useful with their lives, or their hair, or how to dress, or how to be an intelligent, quick, contributing member of society. All they've done is propagate crappy styles and begun raising a generation of weak, crying, lazy, makeup-wearing, bad poetry-writing ladyboys.

Disgusting. I hope they're proud of themselves for adding to the downfall of the country.

And just because I can't get enough of the lead singer and his hermaphroditic style, here's a shot of him watching a video recording of his latest concert:

Anyway, that's it for this first installment of what could become a regular column of sorts. I hope you enjoyed it, and if not, feel free to send me a hatemail. Then promptly show yourself into the blast furnace.

Your grammar and punctuation are severly lacking

2008-03-20T15:07:00.003-06:00

First off, I'd like to say that I am entirely anal about both grammar and punctuation.

That said, it feels to me that at least 90% of the world is a collection of drooling, illiterate retarded people.

There's also a certain level of disappointment involved for me, because I can meet a person in real life and they seem like a competent, well-spoken person; then later I can talk to them online and they speak in a cacophony of 'u's, 'r's, and whatnot. It's quite a letdown.

Now, I'm an understanding person. I don't have a huge problem with it if it's an IM or whatever. You do have to type pretty fast to keep up with that sometimes, and shorthand is usually faster for most people. But when it's an email or something that you have some time to think about, please, for the love of sweet Raptor Jesus... type like a grown human being. Not some babbling idiot with a rudimentary elementary education. I'm not big on judging people (I'm so sexy when I lie), but I swear to God it makes me knock a few points right off your IQ right there and then; and while reading it, I feel like it knocks a few points off of my IQ.

I am fairly lenient with punctuation, however. I'm the kind of person who puts a period at the end of every sentence in an IM. I also capitalise the first letter of every sentence or name, as well as 'I' when I'm speaking of myself. I never miss an apostrophe, never neglect the comma, and I know how and when to use a semicolon; but it doesn't particularly bother me if you do not. Just as long as you hit the main beats, like the apostrophe and comma, putting a question mark at the end of a question and using one exclamation point at a time. Capitalisation of names and 'I' doesn't hurt, either; but when I get an email or message that goes along the lines of, "hey dude wats up im gud u an i shud hook up dis weeknd n hang"... well, it makes me want to punt a puppy or small child directly into the ionosphere, then drive to your home and stomp your face into the ground for raping the English language.

It seems to me that somewhere along the educational line, we're not teaching proper respect of our language; it seem that everywhere I look these days, someone has the language bent over a counter and is violating it anally (in one of life's little ironies). I saw a song just yesterday with the title of "Dat baby don't look like me" or something similar. Now, besides the obvious misspelling of "that", there's also the misuse of the word "don't". Not to mention the name of the song perpetuates most of the stereotypes about blacks in America today, but that's a topic for another blog.

It's not that I'm adverse to change, I'm all for change, I love change, I'm voting for Barack Obama because I want change, I'm considering becoming a hobo so that my life revolves around change. But this isn't a change in the sense that it's a necessary evolution, this is a blatant dismantling of a perfectly adequate language. For Christsakes, some moron thought it would be a good idea to make words like "bling bling" and "bootylicious" actual, recognised words in the dictionary. Even I contract words like "got to" to "gotta" when I type, but at least I don't toss my pride of my language to the wind and mangle it like I was hitting a moped with an 18-wheeler Mack truck.

My final point/plea is this: if you want to be respected, thought of as intelligent, or even taken seriously. Learn to fucking spell, doucheface. It takes me no more time to type "You are a stupid fucking asshole and waste of my oxygen" as it does to type "u r a stupd fukin asshol n wst o oxygn" and not only that, but I get my point across better, I'm taken more seriously. Moreover, don't use acronyms for everything. "HIGGDTTBTWCW?" Does not equal "Hey I'm going to go down to the beach tonight, want to come with?", it equals you looking like an idiot. Stop it. You're not impressing anyone.

In short, for all you out there who can't read my big words and have the attention span of a gnat on speed:

Typing like this ^
^ Makes you look like this

Thank you for your time, you may now go check your myspace and blatantly ignore my words of wisdom.

Your blog may suck, but these don't (as much)

2008-03-14T14:08:00.005-06:00

I've added a few friend's blogs in my link section. I did this awhile ago, admittedly, but my page was undergoing a little redesign at that time and I decided to wait to advertise them until it was done.
And now we're at that point. Enter the Blogosphere of Righteousness.

Anyway, give them a look or two. They may not all rise up to the same standard of quality as mine, but they're noble efforts in any case:
Matt is a good friend of mine from Canada, and he's also a damn good artist. Usually his posts have at least one original drawing in them, which I think really adds to the awesomeness of his blog. That plus he's always got something funny to write about.

201d is another friend of mine. His name is in leetspeak as you can see; 201d = Zoid. Which is short for Zoidberg! So really he has three names in one. But that's the kind of thing doctors do.

Mark is a crazy Brit. Just like me. Also a friend of mine, and usually always good for a laugh or two. He's going to university for a degree in Clownshoes (same as astrophysics), so you know he's a smart cookie.

Sabrina is Matt's sister and yet another friend of mine (amazing that I didn't link to anyone I hated, isn't it?). She's the kind of pot-smoking, picket sign hoisting hippy I'd love to hate, but she's also smart, witty and friendly. So that blows my stereotyping to shit.

Anyway, enjoy their blogs. Just don't enjoy them more than mine. Or else.

**EDIT**
A challenger appears!

Chris is yet another of my whacky band of internet friends. His blog is but a baby, but it will soon grow to epic proportions, I'm sure! Enjoy!

Hey, douchebag. Nobody likes you.

2008-03-12T23:46:00.016-06:00

This will be the first in a series of memos that I will write to the people of the world in an attempt to maybe enlighten society on how they should live life.

This memo is directed towards the guys out there. The douchebags, as I like to call them. These are the whitest fucks around in the most gangster getup in the world. You know the ones I'm talking about, everyone does.

These are the men that wear their pants around their thighs, and in an ironic twist they slap a belt on there. Amazing. You're telling me you woke up, put your pants on and then cinched the belt around your waist and your pants still slid past your ass? Even I have enough ass to keep a pair of pants on. Or did the belt just not have enough holes? You do realise they come in smaller sizes, right?

Society tells him to wear his belt and pants properly, but he's far too roguish for that.

Let me let you in on a little secret, guys, It doesn't look cool. Nor does it look "hard" (a term I'll explore in more depth a little later on). You just look like an idiot who doesn't know how to dress himself. Nobody wants to see your tartan boxers, either. Only hot women should have their asses hanging out of their pants, clothed or not.

Another feature of these pants I notice of late is the fact that they now have a sewn-in bandanna or rag hanging out of the back pocket. I'm unsure what this means, whether it's for gang colours or if you were "working on your whip", but it can also go. It looks goofy; especially because they're usually hanging out of the back "designer" pocket that looks like it was made from a swatch of gaudy 70's carpet.

This isn't the worst I've seen, and I was trying to find a better example before I stopped and realised I was scouring the internet for a piece of shit.

Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, I give you the perpetrator of these crimes against humanity: the Wigger (a fusion of the words "white" [some say "wannabe"] and "nigger"):

Judging by the cash in his hands, the Japanese weaponry hanging from his parent's basement walls (I'm sorry, his "crib"), not to mention his gold chains; this man is hard. He comes from the streets and he's not afraid to slap his bitches around if they give him lip. I mean, look at that hat, if that doesn't say "I'm a straight up, pimp-mack, OG dawg, nigga", well then I don't know what possibly could. I'm sure he knows how to use all those weapons behind him, too, because a gangsta's gotta be prepared, bitches.

I mention the hat above, because it figures prominently into douchebag culture. I can only say it is perched at a jaunty angle atop his head there. This is the connection between douchebags, the ball cap. Especially the oversized ones with the perfectly straight brims. Those just scream, "I'm mentally deficient!"

Before we move on to the other major douchebag, though, I'd like to digress for a moment to talk about hats... I'm not a hat person at all. The only hat I'd ever be caught wearing would be a tophat or a newsboy (I don't really have a problem with that 20s gangster fedora that's popular, even though it's far overplayed) . Everything else just looks silly on me, and so it follows from that that it looks silly on almost everybody else as well. It's my theory that every man from the age of 12 to 25 who wears a ball cap is an utter douchebag.

It's not that I have a problem with hats on other people, but these guys don't even know proper hat etiquette. They wear them inside. They wear them in the shade. They wear them at night. They wear them when they're in the shower, and most likely when they're going down on their boyfriend, who is also wearing a hat. Take the goddamn things off once in awhile, yeh? Unless it's glued to your head, or your skull is shattered and the hat is all that's holding it together, or you have some hideous scalp disorder, bad haircut, or you're smuggling something; take the fucker off and feel the wind in your hair for once. You look like an idiot with your hat on inside. Plus it makes your head smell like the insides of a five week old dead cow laying in a sunny summer field, that's recently been raped by an army of skunks.

Anyhow, this connection leads us from the gangster douchebag to the preppy, rich white kid douchebag. Or the "Classic Douchebag", as many people like to call them. I could write a dissertation on these morons, but my hands are getting tired and my genius requires at least eight hours of sleep in order to stay topped off after a long day...

The "Classic Douchebag" in his natural habitat. Notice how oblivious he is to the fact that he looks like a complete and utter imbecile. The more experienced readers out there may notice that, though he is quiet now, he will soon be (or recently has been) yelling something stupid.

I will say one thing about this type of douchebag, however; they are noisy. I'm a calm guy, usually. I'm content to just sit back, kick my feet up, and chill out, eye the babes in the room, chat quietly with friends, think, read -- whatever. But this guy is not content to leave well enough alone. Oh no. He must be up and about! Talking to everyone, shaking everyone's hand, running around between groups, talking loudly to the point of yelling and calling all the females "dude".

You first impression may be that he's a nice guy, seems cool, et cetera. And I'm sure douchebags at least intend to be nice, but you'll soon realise that any hope of intelligent conversation with this man is an impossibility. On the off chance he stops saying "guy", "dude", or "bro", the most his mind will be able to conjure up will be some noisy gibberish about a party he was at one time where some chick got drunk and took her top off, and he, being the classy comedian that he is, offered to motorboat her.

This is also the guy you see drinking cheap-ass Natural Light beer out of a red plastic cup and yelling "whooo" and tossing up the horns or the peace sign in those light-night commercials for "Girls Gone Wild: Spring Break". And yes. He will be wearing that same hat at 11:30 PM.

In conclusion, stay away from these people. If you are one, seek extensive psychiatric help; most psychiatrists know this disease, and, if you catch it early, you can prevent it from turning you into a complete, babbling oxygen hog. If you see a friend or family member that's coming down with this affliction, please seek help for them, they may not yet realise they're beginning to slip down this path. Usually a swift kick to the balls will wake them up until proper help arrives.
They'll thank you for it later.

Concerning Guns...

2008-03-09T10:31:00.004-06:00

In my last post, I mentioned my fondness for firepower, and with all the controversy surrounding them, especially in this day and age, I've decided to write this follow-up blog of sorts in an attempt to explain my view on the matter.

Firstly, I'd like to say that I really do suck at explaining things, so bear with me.

Now. I love guns. I love how they look, how they feel, how they work. They're amazing pieces of engineering. I won't say I was raised around guns, per se, but I did more than my share of shooting during my childhood, and during this time, I learnt how to use and care for these weapons, as well as developed a healthy respect for them.

Awhile back, I was hearing about this proliferation of school shootings, and I really sat down and thought about what a gun really was. I discovered there are really only two widely accepted variations on the idea of what a gun is from a philosophical standpoint.

A gun is for killing.
A gun is a tool.

Now, obviously, both are true. But there is a further weight added to either side, some people will stress that a gun is an evil thing that can only do harm to anyone who comes into contact with it, as if it were the One Ring or some such; and the other side would have you believe that a gun is nothing more than a mere tool, much like a trowel or shovel. Both sides will say that you can either be on one side or the other, and that anything other than their side is ignorant and foolish.

To be perfectly honest, however, both sides are saying nothing more than what was already said in the first two points; they just dropped in a bunch of horror stories or success stories respectively.

The real truth is, neither side is completely correct. The gun was invented to kill, the gun made armoured knights obsolete, the gun is used as a tool to hunt and kill animals for sustenance, yes, but more than that, a gun is power incarnate.

Holding a gun turns the average Joe Bloggs into a person with huge pull in any situation, and most people aren't ready for this power. At the time I came to this conclusion, I was of the mind that a gun was a tool, but as I was reading Jurassic Park for what had to have been the billionth time, and I realised that there were fairly clear parallels between the issue of gun control and genetic testing. The problem is not with the testing so much as it is with the people conducting the testing, and the very same goes for guns.

Lemme bust out my book and quote a passage:
Malcolm cocked his eye.
"I will tell you what I'm talking about," he said. "Most kinds of power require a substantial sacrifice by whoever wants the power. There is an apprenticeship, a discipline lasting many years. Whatever kind of power you want. President of the company. Black belt in karate. Spiritual guru. Whatever it is you seek, you have to put in the time, the practice, the effort. You must give up a lot to get it. It has to be very important to you. And once you have attained it, it is your power. It can't be given away: it resides in you. It is literally the result of your discipline.
"Now, what is interesting about this process is that, by the time someone has acquired the ability to kill with his bare hands, he has also matured to the point where he won't use it unwisely. So that kind of power has built-in control. The discipline of getting the power changes you so that you won't abuse it.
"But scientific power is like inherited wealth: attained without discipline. You read what others have done, and you take the next step. You can also do it very young. You can make progress very fast. There is no discipline lasting many decades. There is no mastery: old scientists are ignored. There is no humility before nature. There is only a get-rich-quick, make-a-name-for-yourself-fast philosophy. Cheat, lie, falsify---it doesn't matter. Not to you, or to your colleagues. No one will criticise you. No one has any standards. They are all trying to do the same thing: to do something big, and do it fast.
"And because you can stand on the shoulders of giants, you can accomplish something quickly. You don't even know exactly what you have done, but already you have reported it, patented it, and sold it. And the buyer will have even less discipline than you. The buyer simply purchases the power, like any commodity. The buyer doesn't even conceive that any discipline might be necessary."
Hammon said, "Do you know what he is talking about?"
Ellie nodded.
"I haven't a clue." Hammond said.
"I'll make it simple," Malcolm said. "A karate master does not kill people with his bare hands. He does not lose his temper and kill his wife. The person who kills is the person who has no discipline, no restraint, and who has purchased his power in the form of a Saturday night special. And that is the kind of power that science fosters, and permits. And that is why you think that to build a place like this is simple."

And that, my friends, is the main issue.

A gun is not (inherently) evil, nor is it a tool. It's a power.

The flaw with guns isn't that they exist, nor is it even that they are a power. The flaw with a gun is that it's an easy power. It requires no discipline to use, just point and click. There's (in most cases) no thought process behind it, nothing much to learn, the very essence of a gun is ease of use, it runs off of mere impulse. One small motion with a finger and you've changed history.

However, there is another side to this coin. Many gun owners are disciplined. They buy the power, but they make a point to go to the effort and spend the time and energy to become disciplined. These people you rarely hear about... why? Because they're not the ones shooting up schools and malls. I am one of these people. I took the time and energy to learn how to handle, fire, and properly respect a gun and I will never misuse that power.

In the end, it all goes back to the person holding the weapon. A gun is an inanimate object, it's not inherently good or evil, and in this respect, it is like a tool. If someone brutally beats a little kid's head in with a shovel, they don't cry out for the cessation of shovel-making. But if that same child is shot and killed, before the story has broken someone is lobbying for guns to be banned. Now, while I hate to start pulling on my cowboy boots and perching my ten-gallon hat on my head, ranting like a right-winger, I don't quite think that's fair. It's almost in the same vain as convicting an innocent bystander of the crime. In my view; if one person wants to kill another, they'll find a way, gun or no. The gun is just a quick, easy (and, though I am loath to say it at the risk of coming off as a gun nut), and usually painless means to an end. I'd much rather be shot and die instantly than stabbed in the stomach forty-eight times and then bleed to death.

This brings me to another topic I'd like to cover quickly... and that is the illegalisation of guns in the United States. My problem with that is, once again, at the risk of sounding like a crazed gun nut, it takes the power away from the disciplined and places it in the hands of the undisciplined; because those criminals who do want a gun will be able to get their hands on them some way or another. And frankly, that's just a little bone-chilling to me...

And those are my views. Thank you.

It's the weekend!

2008-03-07T10:24:00.005-07:00

Ever since I've been going to school and such a year or so ago, I've had this newfound appreciation for the weekend. Obviously it's stemmed from my going to school and doing something for all but three days of the week. Obviously.

For me, this past week has been pretty great. The weather is starting to warm up, and while I despise the summer with every fibre of my being, it's at that perfect mid-seventies with a nice cool breeze. If only it would stay this temparature year-round. Then life would be grand. Anyway, I digress.

This week, I saw my car. It's been "my car" for a long time, since way back in 2002 when I first unlocked it for play in Sega GT 2002. It's a Lotus Elise. Without a doubt the sexiest car in the world.
It's not particularly super-high performance or anything, but with me, when it comes to cars and technology, as long as it does what it needs to and does it well, it doesn't have to be super great as long as it looks damn good. And this car looks damn good. Damn good.

I popped over to the Lotus website earlier today and built my own through their little car maker application. I'll post the picture at the bottom of the post. Such a sweet, sweet car, that's been one of my life's goals since I first laid eyes on it. One of these days, I'll own and drive this car.

Another awesome thing that happened, was my getting to hold an FN P90. It's an established fact that I'm a gun nut. A nut of guns. And the P90 has long been my favourite sub-machine gun, since I first saw it in The World Is Not Enough. Why, you ask? Well, for one, just look at it. It looks exotic. It's just neat to look at, very futuristic. That plus the fifty-round, top-loading box clip turns one man into a veritable machine gun position. It fires 5.7 armour-piercing rounds (though it's since been upgraded to fire a newer round that's also more damaging to soft targets) at nine-hundred rounds per minute. The compact, "bullpup" design of the gun lends itself to tight, urban spaces, but the barrel (which extends back below the end of the clip) makes it accurate enough to get some nice, long range, if needed. Plus the three Picatinny Rails along the top and both sides of the scope mount allow for customisation such as scopes, flashlights, laser sights, anything that fits.
Plus it can take a silencer. How awesome is that? Seriously. Nothing is cooler than being quiet.

My personal experience with the weapon was hugely positive. It was heavier than I expected, but it was a good heavy. It felt at home in my hands, everything came so naturally, very easy to use. The guy behind the counter at the store was about to show me how it worked, and I told him I knew, popped the clip out, checked it, slapped it back in, racked the slide, pressed the butt to my chest and engaged with it in about fifteen seconds, the clerk looking on in disbelief, (I know so much about how it works from video games. Yes, Jack Thompson, video games taught me how to work a sub machine gun. Amazingly I didn't kill anyone with it. Gasp. Wow.). It was amazing how right it felt holding it. Like it was mine and I'd used it every day. Amazing feeling. (There was also a .50 calibre Barret M82 there, crazy firepower with that gun) I'll post a video at the bottom showing the P90 in action. And next blog will be about my views on guns, so stay tuned for that, heh.

Several other awesome things happened over the week, as well; the Air Show is coming into town next year, and they've started practising for it already, which means we've been able to see many different airplanes, apart from the usual A-10s and F-16s that usually populate our skies. Already I've seen several F-15s and a few P-47s.
The P-47s are awesome to see flying. I've always been enamoured with World War Two-era things, and the dogfights were always of particular interest to me. The idea of these planes flying around, trying to shoot one another out of the sky with machine guns is just amazing to me. That whole retro dealy is big for me anyway. It's awesome to look up and see one of these old planes flying over, hearing the propeller spinning... it's almost like being back in the '40s. One could easily forget what time period they were in watching one flying over.

Oh yeah, I kissed someone too. -_^

Anyway, that's enough for this post, I broke the autosave feature, which usually means something. I'll get to work on that other one tomorrow.

Auf Wiedersehen!

My Lotus:
The P90 in action:

lolblog

2008-03-02T13:04:00.003-07:00

For some odd reason lately, I haven't been able to start, write, and finish a post on this blog. It's really quite strange, as I'm usually able to continually write for hours and hours on end and at least come up with something interesting to say out of a huge pile of horseshit.

For one thing, I blame school. I've not really been feeling too creative lately as school is draining me (creatively) pretty badly... in fact, I should probably be doing homework right now, but eh. I'm lazy.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not whining, I'm damn proud of being lazy. Naps are my greatest ally, and if I didn't have grown-up responsibilities and whatnot now, I'd be asleep half the day. For this, I envy cats.

The only real problem I have with the laziness is that I have a potentially good book here that I'm writing that I haven't touched in a few months now due to it. And I really do think it has potential to at least be semi-interesting, which really is a first for something I've written. I'd give away details and such, but I'm lazy (see?), so you'll just have to wait until it's either published or I get bored and decide to post the entire thing here.

Another thing I've not done in a long time due to laziness is draw. And while I was never any Michaelangelo, I was alright. So that's two things I miss.

But that's cool. I have a feeling that over summer break, once I get my job and such, I'll be able to get back into my more creative ventures. I also want to learn an instrument, probably the guitar at first, but we'll see what time and my laziness permits.

Anyway, I actually made it through this post, amaze! Now maybe I'll get some writing and homework done, heh.

Auf Wiedersehen!

Votez!

2008-02-04T13:13:00.001-07:00

With the primaries of so-called "Super Tuesday" looming over us like a giant Lovecraftian horror, I feel like I should be getting into the mood for voting, the problem here is that I don't quite know who I'm voting for.

Judging from the CNN news feed that was playing in my school earlier, the race is basically down to two candidates: Barack Obama and John McCain.

I'm unsure which way to swing here, McCain definitely has experience and knowhow, but Barack seems to be kind of the embodiment of what America wants. Now all I have to do is slog my way through their respective Bogs of Disinformation and somehow find out what they really plan to do if they get into office. This is arguably the hardest part of the voting process, because 90% of what these people say is an endless torrent of rancid tripe, and we the people have to wade through it and find some jewels or a spot where we can see our reflections in it; but unless you're somewhat dense and take the candidates for what they say, it's not easy. It's like an episode of MXC; painful, dirty, potentially fatal, and sickly amusing.

To be honest, though, both candidates seem to be okay choices, and I won't be too miffed whoever gets the office. McCain is... moderate enough for me, and Barack is, once again, a breath of fresh air from the usual old, white Republicans.

To be quite frank, I just can't wait until Bush is out of office. McCain or Obama, whoever wins, we all win.

State of The Union

2007-11-30T23:02:00.000-07:00

I went on a long jag on this last night, on the way home from visiting my brother at his behavioral facility where he's living for now (he's doing so much better, by the way). (Note: Since I'm so slow at writing, he's now out of the hospital and doing even better at home, it's nice to have my real brother back. ^_^)

It really bothers me how people aren't willing to fix this country. We were talking, and my mother mentioned how healthcare only covers mental illness up to a certain point, while it'll cover cosmetics like liposuction completely. Which I think is bullshit.

Mental health is the biggest issue plaguing society today, and yet it's the biggest issue nobody wants to even mention. Especially during this election time. None of these frankly cowardly candidates will even touch the issues that matter; and every year, it's the same thing, a bunch of idiots spewing bullshit about nothing. All the issues they speak about are issues, sure, but will they handle them once they get into office? I doubt it.

What we need, America needs, is a candidate that has some balls. Someone who isn't getting a handy from the oil companies and whatever conglomerates they all dance around for, someone who will stand up and say:
"Look, America. You can listen to all the tripe non-answers these talking heads are giving you, or we can all man up and face the real problems. America is a great country, I wouldn't live anywhere else in the world, but ladies and gentlemen, it is facing a downfall of Rome-like proportions. As George Santayana said: 'Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it,' and we cannot remember, America. What I'm going to tell you isn't going to be pretty, it isn't going to get me elected, and nobody wants to hear it. I don't want to say it, but America is failing. Failing its people, failing its founding ideals, failing itself, and failing the world.
Thousands of kids are having kids of their own every day, while our veterans are being mistreated if they are treated at all. Heathcare is covering boobjobs and endless liposuction instead of mental illness. Hospital waiting rooms are filled to bursting with people. We are spending over five hundred billion dollars a year on "defense" for defending we don't need to do when this money could be far better spent on schools, hospitals, anything. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't all need to be spent on other things, but when you're spending two times as much as the top nine other countries, you know you need to rethink things."

I could go on forever with this, but I'll spare you.

Let's get back to the talking-heads, shall we?
As of now, the Democrats are down to two. Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama; while the Republicans have Mitt Romney, Mike Huckabee, and John McCain.
Apparently the "magic word" of this year's Democratic campaign is "Change". And I love it. Barack (or anyone else, just an example) gets up on stage behind the podium and says "America must change in order to succeed!" and the crowd goes nuts.
Well, thank you Captain Obvious, I wasn't aware that we needed to get on a different track so that the world would stop hating us and we'd stop being Dependant on foreign fuels. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. Now what is you plan for this change? And that is where they falter, or spew some feel-good nonsense at you. The truth is is that they don't really have a plan, they have ideas, yes, but my dog has ideas on how to improve the country. They have no concrete plans, they say all these grandiose things, "We'll get the troops out tomorrow!" "We'll stop depending on foreign oil!" "We'll fix the economy!" "We'll improve foreign relations!", but they've got no better idea how to do it than any layman. Whatever they say now will disappear once they take office.
Let's break down the Democratic candidates, shall we?:
Hillary Clinton: First thing's first. I love women. A lot. I don't care if they run for president. But I don't think Hillary is the woman for the job. First off, it bothers me that she's using the race card with Obama, even if she says she doesn't. Secondly, she comes off as a huge bitch to me a lot of the time. Not to mention that she talks a good game, but she doesn't seem to really have any real plans for what to do once she gets in office.
Barack Obama: My first impressions of Barack were good. He seems to me like the kind of candidate America is looking for, not yet jaded by big politics, seemed to have fun and be funny. I personally feel like America wants a less serious, more fun president. Unfortunately, with that fun loving image comes the downside; I don't think he has the experience and resolve to handle a job with that much responsibility.

And another thing? They don't have the power to "change" much. The President does not make these decisions. Congress does. The President is a figurehead, basically. They can declare war and veto bills and push the nuke button, and that's about it.

The Republicans on the other hand, I admittedly don't know much about. I know they're mainly squabbling over who's "the most conservative", like thats a good thing to be. To me, that seems like arguing over who has more cancer.
Don't get me wrong, though, I'm fairly conservative in several aspects; but they go on and on to the point that Romney is so conservative that he wears special underwear.
I will break down the candidates, from my point of view, though:
Mitt Romney: A.K.A, Max Headroom. A robot built by the Mormons to be the perfect presidential candidate, he's the perfect age, height, weight, hair, looks. He's too perfect. To me, him running is like Tom Cruise running, we don't need some crazy religion running our country. If he is elected, I'm moving to Canada.
Mike Huckabee: I really liked Mike. He was a Republican and a die-hard Christian, and that threw me off a little, but he's so quick and smart and funny every time he's on the Colbert Report, that I was charmed into considering to vote for him. And then he said something about altering the constitution to be more in line with the Bible, and he lost me. I was very disappointed.
John McCain: Really, he seems like the only really votable Republican at this point in the race. He seems like the most moderate conservative out there, Romney is probably going to make polygamy a law and Huckabee will change the original Ten Amendments to the Ten Commandments. McCain seems to know how the office works and his limitations. But we shall see.

From my point of view, the three better candidates are not/no longer running. Lets take a look at them, shall we?
John Edwards: To me, he seemed like the best candidate out of the people running. He was moderate on both sides, had good ideas, and even had some plans laid out. Amazing. Unfortunately, not to sound racist or sexist, he was running against two landmark candidates, and the white guy had no chance, really.
Al Gore: Oh Al. Why did you leave us to rot? I can understand why, though, the electoral system is a sham with these bullshit "Electoral Colleges" that decide the vote, instead of the popular vote, which is how it should be. Al Gore has plans. He seems to be concerned with real things, and, being ex-VP, he knows how the office works. He'd have been a good president, and I'm fairly sure we wouldn't have to worry about 9/11 if GWB hadn't stolen the office from Gore... and we'd have flying cars.
Stephen Colbert: Do I really need to say more? He'd have been the best candidate in the race. Funny, smart, quick, young, unhindered by political cynicism. He was what America needed, in my point of view. And that's really all that needs to be said.

In any case, whoever you decide to vote for, just get out and do it. Just... don't vote Republican. We don't need a repeat of the last eight years.
Thank you... and as Mr. Keith Olberman says, goodnight, and good luck.